Tanya O'Debra

...a haven for tender artistic feelings... ...a refuge for tears to be shead... ...poetry... ...suicide...

Monday, July 25, 2005

...no...

That's how I feel right now. No, I don't feel like telling you what happened on Passions today. And not just because they're showing the earthquake tomorrow and not today. Mainly because I feel like you are lazy. Yeah, reader, I think you're lazy. Let's pretend someone reads this. Which, in reality, no one does. But for argument's sake, let's just say someone does. Whoever takes the time to read my blog, and can't take the time to watch Passions for herself/himself is plain old lazy. I'm tired of doing all the work here. So I'm not going to tell you about how wacky Endora and Tabitha were today. I'm not going to tell you who almost drowned and who resued that person and how they have a budding relationship now. I'm not going to tell you whether or not Jessica turned her first trick today. I'm not going to tell you if the Vegas thugs caught up with Noah and Fancy. And I'm also not going to tell you whether or not Theresa slept with Allister Crane. Sorry.


Monday, July 18, 2005

...my pussy looks like raw hamburger...

In my dreams!

So, wow. Passions is back! Finally, Tabitha and Endora graced the TV screen this week, acompanied by none other than Edna Wallace! Apparently Edna is guarded by angels, so she's blackmailing Tabitha and Endora, because she knows they are witches. She's forced them to give her a whole new look, restore her hearing, and erradicate her incontinence. Plus she made them rustle up two shirtless hunks to be her new boy toys! You go, girl!

Beth Wallace is on a private jet to Canada with Sheridan and Luis' son, Marty. Sheridan has vowed never to forgive Luis for not believing that she was Marty's real mother. Luis has promised to roam the earth until he gets Marty back so that he, Sheridan and Marty can all be a family again. Sheridan says that she'll never take Luis back, because he's clearly still in love with Beth. Beth gave them a taunting phone call today, wherein she claimed that she would also get Luis back, too. So many people wanting each other back.

Jessica Bennet was out hooking for her new boyfriend/pimp, Spike. Her father, Sam Bennet, accompanied by Ethan and Noah, found her walking the streets with a new "John". They whisked Jessica away and promised to take her home and then take her on vacation. Then Spike showed up and they got into a huge brawl that the police had to break up. Jessica claimed that her father and brothers attacked her, so they got arrested. Jessica seemed to be having her doubts about having her father and brothers arrested and she expressed them to Spike, who then told her that she would feel better after licking a two inch rectangle of paper with two giant yellow happy faces on it that we can only assume was LSD. Spike and Jessica went to the police station and Jessica insisted that she wanted to press charges against her father and brothers, which must have been a side affect of her acid trip. It sure was a bitter pill to swallow for Sam, who is the former Chief of Police!

I cannot express how happy I was to see Tabitha and her sweet daughter Endora today. They light up my life. Thank you Passions. Thank you for not letting me down this week. You're the only thing I've got left.

Help me.

Monday, July 11, 2005

...i don't have super aids...

And neither does anyone else, because super aids is not real.

Passions was sort of a let down this week. There was speed boat chase between Luis, Sheridan and Beth. Beth got away, though. Sam Bennet lost his job as Chief of Police. Besides that nothing else happened. Still no Tabitha or Endora to speak of. Allister is still trying to seduce Theresa. Very uneventful. Not even a good Fancy Crane quote to share. Maybe next week will be more exciting.

Thanks a lot, Passions. You ruined the only thing that I have to look forward to. What will I talk about at my stupid receptionist job tomorrow?

I hate myself.

Monday, July 04, 2005

...if only we could turn back time. then there'd be no grandchild born of incest...

I can't count the number of times I've though this to myself.

Dr Eve Russell is living in a dream world. She will never be able to take back not telling her daughter, Whitney, not to marry her half brother, Chad. And that poor grandchild born of incest, Miles, will continue to pay the price of Eve's negligence. Miles has been very fussy latey and won't drink formula. Fortunately for him, after roughly three months without breast feeding, Whitney is still able to produce milk, and nursed Miles so that he would not starve to death.

Things were not so sunny in the Crane mansion. Beth somehow got away! I'm not sure how though, because I can only watch on Mondays. Sheridan is so upset that she is ready to leave Luis because he did not believe that Marty was her son and not Beth's. Now they'll probably never see their son again. That's not really true. We'll probably see him again sooner than you would think, even though Beth is aided by Allister Crane. Allister was up to his usual tricks; lying, cheating and seducing innocent women. Even though I expect this kind of behavior from him, I was shocked when Allister kissed Theresa! Theresa was in a blind rage about how Gwen stole her baby and raved about how she would stop at nothing to get Jane back. After her mother, Pilar, walked away, Allister took his chance and swooped in like the vulture that he is. He offered to help Theresa get Jane back, but she refused. For now, that is!

It looks like Allister is going to spill the beans any day now about how Sheridan murdered her Aunt Rachel when she was seven. Katherine is doing her best to protect Sheridan, but nothing is certain when you are at the mercy of Allister Crane.

The Las Vegas thugs must have caught up to Noah Bennet and Fancy Crane, because Fancy was trapped in the bottom of a boat struggling amongst a pile of tuna. Luckily Noah was able to rescue her with mouth to mouth recuscitation. Then he kissed her!

Noah - "You are Fancy Crane."

Fancy - "And you are Noah Bennet."

Noah - "Well you sure don't look so Fancy now. In fact, you stink."

Fancy - (slaps Noah across the face) "I'd rather smell like fish than be kissed by you."

Sadly, there was no appearence by my favorite character, Tabitha. Where has she been? And where has her evil baby, Endora, been? I want more spell casting! I also don't know what happened to the pants-peeing Edna Wallace. Hopefully I will be filled in by a monologue driven soley by exposition.

More to come next week!