Tanya O'Debra

...a haven for tender artistic feelings... ...a refuge for tears to be shead... ...poetry... ...suicide...

Monday, April 18, 2005

...i wasn't child molested...

Are you surprised?

If I were still a teen and my boyfriend was not into using condoms, this is what I would say to him if we were in an after-school special.

"Relationships at 4PM in your Mom's Livingroom"

Baby. Baby. B- No- Baby! Look at me. Look at me. Baby, look at me. Baby, it's me. It's me. Not someone else. It's me! Baby? Baby? Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. I've got something very important to say. No, baby, I'm over here. Okay? Okay, so we've been having sexual intercourse for six months now, and it has come to my attention that we have not been practising "safe sex". We have got to start using condoms. Yeah, that's right. Condoms. No balloons, no party. Listen, sailor, you're gonna have to wear a life jacket if you're going to board this ship. No more riding bareback for you, cowboy. If you don't want that book to get dusty, you'd better get a dust jacket. No one eats a hot dog without a bun in this backyard. If you want to knock boots, you'd better keep them on your feet. If you want the snake to find the hole, you'd better trim the hedges. Anyway, they're called condoms. Use them. Oh, yeah. And about that other thing we've been talking about. I looked it up in the bible, and it said that anal sex is for queers, and God hates faggots. Amen.

3 Comments:

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Lori Mocha said...

I like a clean workspace.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger sarahfisch said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger sarahfisch said...

That deleted post was me, sorry, I misspelled something.

Ahem.

What I meant to type was : had I seen this after-school special when I was a kid, my whole life would have turned out better.

 

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